I have sat at my computer for over 3 hours in an effort to write this update. So much has transpired since my last newsletter. Heck, so much has transpired in a month. I haven’t written in such a long time, I feel out of practice; awkward. Although I feel what I want to say clearly, my thoughts, once on paper, are disjointed. There have been more skilled writers than myself who will testify to the difficulty in expressing a spiritual shift with the frustratingly limited human vocabulary. The words simply do not exist. That is why so many transformative experiences are depicted in metaphor or analogy.
The draft I wrote previous to this, went on and on for paragraphs using the well-worn and clichéd metamorphosis of a caterpillar to butterfly. But what else can explain the unseen pull of the soul’s inherent purpose, its calling? A pull that had me willingly, and with sincere devotion, dissolve my whole being so that I could feel, and be, the vitality of my highest expression? I am not one to stay in the comfort of the known, to crawl upon the ground, because it feels safe and provides a sense of security. My desire for luster and vibrancy in my life exceeds my fears of the unknown and keeps me in the state of evolution–for as many times as it takes. Because I have tasted flight before and know through direct experience, that wings become larger and stronger every time dissolution happens. When the confines of the past are released, there is a trajectory towards new possibilities. The heart knows that in possibilities are great joy, lightness of being and creative self-expression.
You may have heard of Joseph Campbell’s timeless description of the transformative process. He called it the Dark Night of the Soul. I affectionately call it the Pit of Despair. Which, by the way, is not a one-time visit. Just so you know. It is a process of dissolution, so that one can move into a fullness of being. October was my month to dissolve more of the past, some remnants of an old belief construct that was acting like shrapnel in my side. It had to be removed. I made a plea and a vow all in one bold declaration. In doing so, I was met head on with what it would take to fulfill my resolve. It was a tough month.
However, it’s truly a fascinating process, and it is Divine Grace, even when it feels uncomfortable and even painful. I am so blessed to be aware of this, to know the discomforts are growing pains, leading to more vitality, more creativity, more exuberance for life, clearer perception, inner strength and sense of purpose. It helps to soften the discomfort.
I am also blessed to have a strong spiritual community. People who ‘get it’. A real spiritual community is on the edge of transformation in which individuals are looking at themselves and ferreting out that which doesn’t work anymore and so that they can become more themselves. I didn’t always have this support, or the understanding of how to navigate the discomfort. Franky, it sucked, feeling lost and alone in my suffering. After countless times going in, letting go, and rebirthing, I now know the process.
I have taught a lot of yoga asana for over a decade, and I will continue to teach asana. But, as many of you know, my teachings are shifting. They must shift in order to remain in alignment with my own growth. I know with absolute certainty that I am called to support others through their own process in a deeper way, beyond a 60-minute yoga class. That is why I will be focusing more on the yoga that supports deeper internal shifts that result in long lasting change. I mean, that IS what yoga was designed to do in the first place. Yoga simply isn’t about your hamstrings. It’s about your Soul’s growth and your willingness to allow it to be expressed uniquely through you.
Life wants to be expressed through you and there is a part of you that knows there is potential to live an extraordinary life filled with more freedom, ease and a strong foundation of peace. If you are feeling the pull for something greater, to do what it takes to be a bigger version of yourself, read on below my friends and stay tuned for more offerings to come.
As I continually transform into a bigger, better version of myself I will be here to support you in doing the same. These teachings have helped me love the woman I have become, and even the woman I once was. I also hold radical love for the woman I am becoming. I want you to love who you are and who you are becoming. I will be there supporting you as you go in, dissolve, and I will be there when you emerge, ready to test those wings.