I posted this picture of my good friend and me earlier this week right before attending a 70’s Disco party. I can see the joy on my face and it’s been a long while since I’ve seen that smile looking back at me.
But here I am, seeing sometime coming forth from within me that I thought I’d either lost and forgotten, or never had in the first place.
What got me here?
A relentless determination to do so.
Once you get to the end of the rope you either start pulling with all your might or choose to release and let go. Now the next question is, which did I do?
BOTH, is the answer.
I have spent years, what sometimes feels like decades, looking for that inner spark that might eventually catch into the flames of happiness, purpose and love. It’s taken a lot of dedicated work. I’ve labored painfully through inward self-examinations that left me feeling naked, vulnerable and face to face with my fear and shame. I’ve worn through many yoga mats and countless boxes of tissues. I have buckled under the weight of my sadness, frustration and confusion. How many times have I fallen down, given up and stood back up again? I don’t know. I lost count.
Perhaps greater than my determination has been the lessons I’ve learned through the power of surrender.
Through my yoga and spiritual practices I discovered, that you have to put forth effort to pull your self from the darkness but it is also delicately balanced with knowing when to let go and surrender into the unknown.
Surrendering into the process of forgiveness (forgiving others as well as myself) liberated me from my past. The art of surrender also taught me to know when to let go of the fight (because I am a fighter) and rest, allow and patiently wait.
One of my teachers speaks of, Effortless Effort, the ability to put forth effort with ease and grace. I am still learning this art form of self-transformation, and it takes commitment and devotion to do so. If I had never taken the time for my practice, put myself first, or go into deep self-study, the transformation might never have happened.
I am still transforming. I am still practicing. I will never stop because I want to bath in the light of joy as often as I can. When darkness comes, and it will, I now have a road map to help me find my way back home.
Are you brave enough to take the steps towards your own transformation?
2016 Winter Yoga Retreat. Recharge. Replenish. Refocus.